When in Rome ...

When one travels to a foreign country, unless one holds a deep and passionate desire to make as much of a fool of oneself and one's country as possible, one generally avoids such behavior as might put oneself in a socially unacceptable position.

When in Rome ...

When one travels to France, for example, one does not go about speaking through one's nose. When in Spain, one generally controls one's unsatiable urge to run through the streets shouting "toro! toro!" When visiting Germany, one stops oneself before mentioning Nazism, or how one's ancestors fought in the World Wars.

When in Rome ...

Americans are, sterotypically, loud, obnoxious, insistent, irksome, easily aggravated, fat, obese, gluttonous, stupid, ignornant, rude, discourteous, talkative, self-conceited, self-centered, self-conscious, undisciplined, entitled, uncontrollable, demanding, and, moreover, terribly, terribly un-European, perhaps the worst crime of all. And so, when visiting a foreign country, one generally avoids (if one happens to be American) - one generally avoids displaying any of these beforementioned stereotypical qualities or characteristics.

When in Rome ...

The English are known for their soft tones of voice, shy manners, hesitancy, extreme urgency to avoid all conflict or embarassment, strict attendance to propriety and customary politesse, consideration of others, generousity of spirit, personal reserve, and general hospitality. Despite this latter quality, the English are also sensitive to any breach in propriety shown by others, and are easily offended by such behaviour.

When in Rome ...

Upon the basis of this observation, one should generally avoid (if one happens to be American), I say, one should generally avoid such stereotypical American behaviour (listed above) when one visits England.

When in Rome ...

One should refrain from constant chatter.

One should refrain from speaking incessantly.

One should refrain from speaking incessantly without pausing to breathe.

One should refrain from speaking incessantly without pausing to breathe or to let others enter the conversation.

One should refrain from speaking incessantly on topics of interest to no one but oneself.

One should refrain from speaking incessantly regarding one's love life (and all the details which follow).

One should refrain from speaking incessantly regarding one's opinion of subjects about which one had no clue what one is saying.

One should refrain from speaking incessantly about such politically- or morally-sensitive topics as abortion, human trafficking, modern "lifestyles," torture, capital punishment, religion, etc., particularly when the occasion (i.e. at a meal, or in public) generally demands polite conversation (i.e. the weather, fashion, literature, the arts).

One should refrain from referring to oneself.

One should refrain from referring constantly to oneself.

One should refrain from referring constantly to one's "exploits."

One should refrain from referring constantly to one's fascinating beer-pong skills.

One should refrain from referring constantly to one's favorite music, films, books, food, clothes, etc, etc, etc. ad nauseum.

One should avoid stepping into the street in front of a bus, unless one knows precisely what one is doing, for if one does not know precisely what one is doing, one will show oneself to be a foreigner and thus offer oneself for ridicule.

One should avoid speaking, talking, singing, or shouting loudly, particularly in stores, shops, or through the streets.

One should particularly avoid speaking, talking, singing, or shouting loudly in stores, shops, or through the streets when one is attempting pitifully and painfully to mimick the British accent.

In fact, one should avoid mimicking the British accent - whether malevolently or benevolently - at all times, unless one has a particularly good ear and soft voice, and one is among friends.

One should avoid demanding things of shopkeepers, waiters, bus drivers, or any other persons of public services.

One should refrain - whether intentionally or not - from walking into others, knocking others over, swinging doors in front of others, slamming doors in others faces, or causing others to drop, damage, or bruise either themselves or their belongings.

One should avoid smelling of any uncouth odors, particularly of excessive perfumes and colognes.

One should refrain from asking stupid questions.

One should, at all times, refrain from speaking discourteously of anything or anyone, particularly of royalty and the peerage.

One should refrain from questioning the food which one is served.

One should refrain from avoiding unknown foods, merely on the grounds that one is unfamiliar with that particular dish.

One should try to assimilate oneself as much as possible, not in the interest of losing one's identity and patriotism, but in the interest of avoiding social conflict.

One should attempt learning as many synonyms as possible for one's own words in the foreign country.

One should learn to appreciate the customs, traditions, and manners of the country.

One should avoid ridicule of the country's customs, manners, speech, diet, etc. etc. in order to avoid making oneself out to be an American ignoramus.

When in Rome ...

Do as the Romans, please.





Caveat: one speaks in generalizations, sterotypes, and exaggerations. One does not wish to identify any individual with any particular quality - either malevolent or benevolent - mentioned above. One merely suggests a short guideline to proper etiquette when visiting any location situated outside of the American continent.