I'm not sure where this came from; the first half I've had for a while and just needed something to close it off. I think Christina Rosetti did something similar, but I can't remember what it's called.
Enjoy :)
From the rising of the river to the setting of the sea
There is light within the window; there is light within the tree
There is light which pours upon the ground and soaks into the earth;
There is light surrounding meadows and a dance of gleeful mirth.
From the rising of the river to the setting of the sea
All the colors of the rainbow spread their garments out for thee
And the wind that shakes the barley and the heather and the rye
Cannot brush away the sunshine that comes tickling my eye.
But what is light? And what is mirth? And what’s this joy of life?
Is it beauty? Is it goodness? Or the end of painful strife?
Is it music of the heartbeat trembling through the winter air?
Is it softly smiling faces out when no one else is there?
From the rising of the river to the setting of the sea
The truth and wisdom of the years come rushing up to me
And in the midst of deep, dank darkness of a world as hard as coal
There is light and love and cheeriness which permeate my soul.
If I may be so bold as to offer constructive criticism, I would change the line about blowing on candles on a seventh-birthday cake!
ReplyDeleteI was reading and enjoying and all of a sudden, from the serenity of nature, I was suddenly transported to a literary world that made me think of Dr. Seuss. Nothing against Dr. Seuss, but I like everything else except that line!
Sorry, I've always obsessed about poems maintaining the same style within and throughout! I can be quite a pest!
No, that's fine; I appreciate and need some constructive criticism. The problem was trying to find something that rhymes with lake ... ? Unless I change the line on the lake, which is a possibility. Let me think about it :)
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Ju about the Dr. Seuss line...but otherwise it is BEAUTIFUL! :)
ReplyDeleteVery beautious and prettiful! :) Sink me, the lady's a poet! :D
ReplyDeleteOk, I blew out the candles. Better? It still feels rough/awkward somehow. Maybe?
ReplyDeleteIs it just me,(which is very possible) or does it feel like there are too many syllables in that line... Maybe? possibly? Sorry I'm not more help. I'm no rhymester, unfortunately... :D
ReplyDeleteIt's fifteen syllables, just like *most* of the rest ... it's possible the emphasis is off, though. Sometimes it's OK if it's off slightly, it gives it more personality and less formulaic da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM, but sometimes if it's off, it's just plain off, and sounds bad. Let me read it a couple times to myself and see which it is!
ReplyDelete